The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
