I accidentally had phone sex last night
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize