She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
