Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
