How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
