I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize