My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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