You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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