so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
