I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
