I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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