idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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