Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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