By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
