I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
