if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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