i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
