is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
