I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
