she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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