my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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