the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
