your parents love me but you hate me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
