So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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