I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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