i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize