That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
