The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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