remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No subtext here. People are naked.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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