Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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