i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
