I'm really into asian looking animals
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
