My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
