Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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