I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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