oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
