In the future we'll all be gay
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
