you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
