sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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