I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
