it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
