Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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