Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
