He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
