i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
