I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
