right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
