i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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