Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
