Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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