hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
