Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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