Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
