I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
