my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize