if only i could text you this smell
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Found your dick twin last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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