Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
