Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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