heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's always time for handjobs
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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