i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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