I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
