I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
