lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
