oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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