Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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