Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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