I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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