Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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